the eugene bean

that I like the me that I am.

Sometimes I'm uncouth. I like to curse. I'm particularly fond of the word shit and I use it often. I also really like the F word, but I try not to use it much here in cyberspace because I know lots of people are offended by it. And even though I've decided that if you're a friend of mine and you like me then it shouldn't bother you if I say the word- I'm still uncomfortable saying it because you WOULD be bothered even if I think you shouldn't.

Sometimes I yell too much at my kids. Sometimes I slam doors, (And I can slam a mean door I tell you, just ask my dad.)sometimes I lose my temper completely- really just lose it so I can't see straight.

But I still like me.

I like the me that is atheist. I like the me that continues to search for my own truth. I am beginning to feel more comfortable as someone who doesn't believe in God, and I've been less defensive about my beliefs. It still bothers me when people get their feelings hurt by my beliefs. But I will no longer carry any guilt. And I do wish that I could find a nice group of atheists because I think that my beliefs are interesting and exciting and I'd like to share them with others.

I like the me that sits on the sofa in the evening and just slumps there like a big turd. I like to ignore my phone, I like to relax, I like to sit on the sofa with Ty, I like the feeling that I have NOWHERE else to be and NOTHING else to do. I like to veg.

I like the me that creates. I like paper- the look of it, the feel of it, the way it folds and color coordinates. I like to create with paper- sometimes to make art, sometimes to make gifts, and sometimes just to play.

I like the me that I am when I'm wearing jeans and a cotton shirt. Eugene is the perfect city for me- casual and down to earth. I can count the times I've worn mascara here on one hand, and I like it that way. Not to mention that my ass looks rockin' in jeans.

There are so many things that I wish were different. But wishing is a waste of time.

Today I'm embracing ME!