the eugene bean

Yesterday marked the final day of my first attempt to ground (for lack of a better word) E.

And, by golly, it worked.

It seems I am a genious at the technique of torture. I have finally mastered the ability to make a kid suffer, seethe, and basically roll on the floor filled with regret. It's a beautiful thing.

Five days ago I caught E playing with his gum. Not just pulling it out of his mouth and stretching it- not rolling it between his fingers- but actually using it as an adhesive to permanantly attach 2 of his toys. This I just can't have.

Normally, I'd give him a stern lecture with just enough fire behind it to make him cry. Then I'd scramble to try and figure out a way to make this lesson stick in the mind of a 3 year old.

No playing outside for a day? Who cares when there are so many fun toys inside! No gum for 2 days? Who cares when you've got a memory that forgets things with lightening speed and there are countless other treats (like Gogurt, yum!) to eat. I guess there's always spanking, and I don't question it's effectiveness, but I just can't get it to work for me.

So this time I take the gum away for 5 days. I get in his face and inform him that he won't be chewing any gum for This Many Days. He cries (even though he's not really sure why, it just seems the right thing to do) for about 1 minute and then promptly forgets about the pain in life and resumes his job of saving the world as some sort of combination of Iron Man, Superman, Batman, and Spiderman.

I, however, have gotten smarter. I've devised a True Plan of TORTURE that will whip my boy into shape! (Insert evil laugh.)

I leave gum out everywhere. I leave a piece where he can see it in the car. I leave 2 whole packs out on the counter. I strategically place pieces on his eye level in spots that I know he won't miss. And thus begins the Consequence.

For 5 days E sees the gum and for 5 days he remembers that he can't have it.
Day 1:
E:Dad, can I have a piece of this gum?
Ty: Sure.
Me: (Swooping in like a bat out of hell) NO! (I can't believe I've forgotten to tell Ty about my master plan of torture!)

Day 2:
E: Can I have gum now?
Me: Nope, you still have to wait this many days.
E: Big, huge, earth shaking sigh

Day 3:
E: Is today 5 tomorrows?
Me: Nope, you still need to wait this many days.
E: Ooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaay. (Complete with rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, and a stamp of the foot.)

Day 4:
E: Can I have this kind of gum?
Me: Nope, that's part of your punishment too. You still have to wait 2 days.

Day 5:
E: Today? Is today the day I can have that gum in my mouth again?
Me: (I'm loving this, LOVING THIS) No, you have to wait till tomorrow.

Day 5 con't:
E at 10 am: Is today tomorrow?
E at lunchtime: Is today tomorrow?
Me: No, tomorrow comes after you go to sleep and wake up.
E after nap time: It's tomorrow! I went to sleep and then I waked up!
Me (playing the part of the Evil Spirit Crusher, and getting great joy out of it): That was just a nap, you have to go to sleep and wake up in the morning for it to be tomorrow.

The next day dawns...
Me: Today is the day you can have gum again!
E: But only if I keep it in my mouth, right?

Thank you very much.
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